My Christmas List

On this beautiful night on the eve of Christmas Eve, I am at home enjoying our lovely decorated house and listening to Christmas music. What is it about Christmas music? I find it very magical and only adds to the spirit of the season. In fact, I can’t seem to listen to anything other than Christmas music during this time of the year and I don’t ever get tired of hearing Silent Night, White Christmas, Oh Holy Night, Ava Maria, just to name a few.

I am also thinking about Mary and Joseph and the journey they were making some 2,000 years ago. I wrote about a wonderful movie, The Nativity Story, in the blog last year and how it allows viewers to see the relationship between Mary and Joseph and the struggles they went through getting to Bethlehem. Tiny Baby Jesus born in a stable, placed in a manger surrounded by animals, hay, nothing to keep Him warm — not the most suitable accommodations for the Son of a King. However, Jesus’ life was never easy, beginning with birth and His horrible, painful death on the cross. He entered the world in a quiet, magical night with a star pointing the way, but died 33 years later, on a cross on Calvary with thousands mocking Him after being tortured, stoned and beaten. True suffering.

Earlier this week I was picking up a few food items for Christmas Day since my family will be gathering at our house. While at the store, I struck up a conversation with an older gentleman. He was looking for a particular item and asked for my assistance. He seemed a little troubled and after a bit of time he mentioned his wife passed away in September following their 64th wedding anniversary. With Christmas music playing in the background and people rushing all around us, he wept as he shared the details of her death. We talked for some time and I could feel his raw pain, his loss, his hurt. As we held hands I wanted to make his pain go away, or bring back his wife…even for just a day. He talked about the medical personnel who tried to save his wife following 30 minutes of her being unconscious and then shared how he told them to stop beating on her chest and shocking her with electricity. He said he could feel in his heart that her heart was no longer filled with love or life. However at the same time, I could tell he was burdened with guilt for having to make that decision.

At that moment, I knew I had to find the words to help ease his pain. I paused and asked God to help me know what to say and do to help ease this man’s suffering. I told him what he did was the kindest, most courageous and selfless gift he could have ever given his wife and he didn’t end her life, but he gave her life. I told him it was my belief she is watching over him and she would be proud of his decision and actions. We hugged and continued talking, but our conversation has stayed with me. I know his Christmas won’t be merry and bright, but I know he will gather up the strength to go on.

I also can’t help but think about the 26 families impacted by the horrible tragedy in Connecticut. Many children of various religious backgrounds, but many Christians whose parents I am sure already had presents wrapped under the tree for many of the children who were killed. As a parent myself I can’t imagine having to bury a child. It goes against the order of events of how we figure our life should play out. The families impacted by this tragic event are experiencing true suffering and to them Christmas will come and go and there will be nothing joyful about it. In fact, will Christmas ever be the same for many of these families?

These two separate events have helped me personally put some difficult medical news into perspective. I have been delaying, or rather procrastinating, writing posts for the blog since my medical problems have taken a difficult turn. My battle with the long-term effects of a spinal cord injury continue and I am dealing with a problem I had never heard of prior to six months ago. I will admit this condition is going to be a challenge. There is no cure and gets worse over time. So, my struggle, on the eve of Christmas Eve is to continue to have strength to forgive the doctor who put me in this situation, to keep fighting the medical problems that plague me and to maintain the faith that has sustained me thus far.

I read a quote the other day and I wished I would have written it down. It went something like this: “You know you have grown up when the gifts you want can’t be wrapped and put under the Christmas tree!” I guess you could say I have officially grown up since my Christmas list is filled with things such as ‘no more suffering for tender-hearted souls or for children, for long-term medical problems to finally have cures and for all of us to love, care and support one another.’

©My Unplanned Life and, 2012.


About mswd

I am an individual living with a spinal cord injury. How the injury occurred, how I found out how severe my injury was and how my planned life suddenly became 'unplanned' is included in this blog. Also included is how the injury has tested my family and me. I believe you will discover it has been both a mentally and physically challenging ordeal and I learned a few lessons along the way. While I am still defining my life’s purpose since the injury, I have uncovered those who are injured, live with pain or have other obstacles to navigate are never able to escape. However, come with me as I explore ways to improve my life, learn to live with multiple neurological conditions, educate others and look for the silver lining. I believe with a little willpower, my caring family and God's guidance I will learn to forgive, hopefully forget how I was treated and dismissed by a doctor and uncover life's new purpose. I pray for painfree days and answers to questions that keep swirling through my mind. I also pray for a cure for neurological conditions and for the doctors to treat their patients with respect. Welcome to my journey. I would love to hear about yours!
This entry was posted in Betrayal, Christmas list, Depression, Disappointment, Dr. Liar, Faith, Finding the joy, Forgiveness, God, Happiness, Spinal Cord Injury and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to My Christmas List

  1. Rebecca Davis Merritt says:

    Great post! Kindness, empathy, compassion, and our relationships with others are what matter – not accumulation of possessions. Hoping your health improves.

    Sent from my iPad

    • mswd says:

      You are too kind! 🙂 Thank you for your ongoing support and shoulder to lean on. I appreciate all you do and the sharing of stories, advice, etc. We do learn from each other and I am blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life who teach me new things each day…and you are one of them. Thanks again my dear friend! Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and HEALTHY 2013!

  2. 264me says:

    What a beautiful gift you have to find the right words to say to people. I have seen you in action and it never ceases to amaze me how others are drawn to you asking for your opinion or help. You are blessed and a blessing to others!!

    • mswd says:

      I am blessed because I have you by my side for this journey, which has had its twists, turns and constant after shocks. Without you I am not sure where I would be, but I know I would be lonely, lost and incomplete. God knew what he was doing when he crossed our paths and not a day goes by I don’t thank him for us. You are the most selfless person in the world and I don’t know how you do what you do, but others could learn from the example you set and the life you live. Thank you for putting your ‘husband hat’ on first ~ to me you move the world a little piece at a time each and every day! You are my blessing.

  3. A beautiful post Marsha. You were such a gift, yourself, to that hurting man. Maybe it was his wife herself who guided you to be there, and of course God Himself who gave you the gift to give him. Blessings to you and may you and others receive these special gifts.

    • mswd says:

      Colleen ~ thank you for your kind, beautiful message. I thought about my ‘chance meeting’ a lot yesterday (Christmas Day) hoping ‘S’ was managing to get through the day. While I hoped I helped him; he ended up helping me more. God sends us what we need — that’s a message I have written a lot about in the blog, and I really love when He sends me someone who leaves an imprint on my heart. Thank you for your ongoing support and your wonderful posts. Hoping 2013 brings you as much joy as you give to others!

  4. Nancy Simpson says:

    A lovely read, Marsha. I am sorry to read that you are dealing with additional medical issues. Life’s road is full of hills and valley’s. My motto – one day at a time! Have a blessed and happy 2013! I miss you! Nancy

    • mswd says:

      Nancy ~ so nice to hear from you! Thank you for your lovely message. Believe it or not, these medical setbacks are making me stronger and I am determined not to let this one get the best of me! I have lost 100 pounds (on purpose and with no surgical intervention) so at the same time I am feeling healthier…if that makes sense. Let’s chat at some point. Would love to catch up. Miss you as well. Sending love, blessings and wishing you and your family a happy and healthy 2013! XO

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.