Losing, but Not Lost

I know my neighbors have to get tired of hearing my iPod play the same music over our house speakers since I do it quite a bit. I didn’t realize how loud it was until I went outside for some particular reason and heard it firsthand. I have quite a mixture of music — from country to contemporary Christian and since it captures a lot of my favorites I end up listening to it instead of the many CDs stored in our CD cabinet. It took me a while to jump aboard the iPod concept, but I love my hand-me-down iPod and thank my daughter for giving it to me and for teaching her old-school mother how to use it.

I have written in the blog about music before and how I used to sing all the time. I found myself not singing any more no matter what I would do. However, I do enjoy listening to music and getting lost in the lyrics. It’s interesting how the song writers capture the same emotions that others are experiencing. Is that simply because we are all human and are going through the same or similar ups and downs? Maybe more since their lives are so public.  If I were Scarlett Johansson I don’t think I could ever leave my house again. Think how her parents must feel. Or, maybe any type of publicity is favorable…look at Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson and many others.  To me, it’s very sad especially when young ‘tweens see many of these people as role models.

This week I have a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist to see how my A-fib and flutter are doing and if the medication is working. However, I have to admit that my heart is breaking…can cardiologists pick up on that?  I certainly hope not.  The reason. This past week, while traveling throughout North and South Carolina and Tennessee, my husband received a call from his boss asking if they could meet before heading home. They agreed to meet in Raleigh, NC, in a hotel lobby. Without a clue as to the reason for the meeting, my husband had to wait two days.

Late Thursday afternoon, my husband’s boss informed him that the company was downsizing and his job was being eliminated along with some other employees.  There he was — in another state, hours from home, alone, sitting in a hotel lobby and being told that he no longer had a job. For those of you who know us or have been reading the blog, know how selfless my husband is and deserved to be treated with more respect. I wrote a post about my husband titled The Greatest Gift about my love for him and how it was his dedication, love and attitude that kept me going following my spinal cord injury. I have written and said it many times…I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the love of God and my husband.  I don’t want anyone to pity us for his job loss — it is happening to so many others. When I read the unemployment statistics I continue to be shocked.  My husband was working in sales and I think we both knew deep down (in our gut) that it was only a matter of time. He was casually considering going back into his previous career field of Purchasing and had applied for several jobs. However, his boss could have ‘let him go’ a little closer to home and not taken his corporate credit card until he was home safely. It just proves how companies forget that employees are people and only focus on making money. As I wrote in the last post “Pray, forgive yourself, appreciate others, listen to your gut, do things you enjoy and remind yourself that we are all loved and connected.”That’s a lesson the company where my husband worked should have learned 30 years ago. I believe you won’t go far until you value your employees — a lesson my husband and I have learned firsthand.

I wish that I could tell you who he worked for and ask that you not support the company — just like I wish I could tell you Dr. Liar’s real name. However, no one said that life was fair and this is a lesson that has been challenging for us to learn. But, at the same time, we feel very blessed and what would sharing the company’s name really do?  I doubt that the company my husband worked for will be successful if the economy continues its downward slope. As far as Dr. Liar, I have forgiven him, but I haven’t forgotten.  I keep telling myself “Just because you are hurt, doesn’t mean you are broken.”

A very dear friend from high school lost his mother very suddenly this past week and I have been thinking about him constantly. He was an only child and I can’t imagine the burden he is carrying…alone. We called ourselves brother and sister since we used to do so many things together. He taught me to water ski and was always looking out for me…and I for him. I guess my one regret is that we lost touch once we went to college and I moved to Pennsylvania.  His mother was a sweetheart who gave huge hugs and treated each of her son’s friend’s as one of hers. She loved her son and you could see it in her eyes. She had a true appreciation for all he had become and left knowing he has his own family and was no longer alone. Her work was complete and she was ready to rejoin her husband. For my friend, I pray that your burden is eased and that your memories will carry you through the difficult times. Focus on the joy.

Each week it seems that I am finding myself writing about people who have passed away. And, I have to admit I am struggling with the concept of death and how unfair it seems for those who are left to carry on. While I know we are not promised tomorrow, it seems that people, like my friend who are an only child, are at an extreme disadvantage when it comes to losing a parent. Since my daughter is an only child, I don’t want her to go through it alone.  How do you prepare for your own death? Other than having life insurance and a will, where do you find the strength to put pen to paper to write out your final wishes? I am having trouble wrapping my head around how and what to do. But I know I owe it to my daughter.

With all these questions, some uncertainty and sadness swirling around in my head I played a particular song on my iPod over and over again this weekend. From one of my favorite groups, Point of Grace, the song, He Believes in You, is inspiring during difficult times.

You’re not hearing the answers
You’ve been praying for
You try and try
Can’t find an open door

You’re not seeing the miracles
Not a one in sight
And the way you feel
You sure need one tonight

Your faith is crumbling
Your feet are stumbling
It’s so hard to believe in Him

But He believes in you
When you’re at your weakest
And hope’s still burning through the night
But you can’t see it
You know in your heart He loves you
But in those moments when you can’t believe it’s true
He believes in you

Chin deep in the water

You tried walking on

And you reach for Him
And you think He’s gone
He’s still there beside you
With His stubborn love
No He never left
And He won’t give up

He will protect you
Until you’re rescued
Oh there’s nothing that He can’t do

‘Cause He believes in you
When you’re at your weakest
And hope’s still burning through the night
But you can’t see it
You know in your heart He loves you
But at those moments when you can’t believe it’s true
He believes in you
You know in your heart He loves you
But at those moments when you can’t believe it’s true
He believes in you!

Like so many others I pray for guidance to make wise decisions. I pray my husband will find an employer that will treat him with the type of respect he gives others and I pray for a heart that continues to forgive and for guidance to write posts that will help others. It seems there are so many people who are looking for answers. I pray that my words provide some comfort and at the very least, let you know you aren’t alone.

©My Unplanned Life and www.shakinguplife.wordpress.com 2011.


About mswd

I am an individual living with a spinal cord injury. How the injury occurred, how I found out how severe my injury was and how my planned life suddenly became 'unplanned' is included in this blog. Also included is how the injury has tested my family and me. I believe you will discover it has been both a mentally and physically challenging ordeal and I learned a few lessons along the way. While I am still defining my life’s purpose since the injury, I have uncovered those who are injured, live with pain or have other obstacles to navigate are never able to escape. However, come with me as I explore ways to improve my life, learn to live with multiple neurological conditions, educate others and look for the silver lining. I believe with a little willpower, my caring family and God's guidance I will learn to forgive, hopefully forget how I was treated and dismissed by a doctor and uncover life's new purpose. I pray for painfree days and answers to questions that keep swirling through my mind. I also pray for a cure for neurological conditions and for the doctors to treat their patients with respect. Welcome to my journey. I would love to hear about yours!
This entry was posted in Atrial Fibrillation and Flutter, Don't Give Up, Dr. Liar, Faith, God, Heart Condition, Joy, Self Discovery, Spinal Cord Injury and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Losing, but Not Lost

  1. jayme jannone says:

    Hi Marsha,
    John and I are in Florida and driving on the tpke to my cousin’s home for a visit for the day. I just finished reading your blog. So upset to hear about Harry’s job sitation. More and more compamies are doing this to sales reps the same way this was done to harry. So very upsetting. I read the blog out loud to john and he is bothered by the way companies treat their employees. You are in our prayers and hope that things turnaround for the better soon.
    Your blogs are very well written and we both say you should write books!
    Miss you!

  2. mswd says:

    Jayme — thank you for your thoughtful message and kind words. I hope that you are enjoying yourself and so glad that you are taking some time off. I hope the weather is nice. I know John is glad to have you away from work and your computer. I know what you mean about Sales Reps losing their jobs…it’s sad since he was with them for eight years and did an outstanding job. The difficult part is finding a new job in this horrible economy and in the rural area where we live. However, God is good and we will get this. Sure do miss you. Tell John hello and enjoy your time in Florida. Be safe. Sending love dear friend!

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