Honestly Trying

It had been a very long week and a half ~ sitting in the courtroom waiting for “a jury of my peers” to return with the verdict was probably only five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. My attorney and very dear friend, Michelle, looked at me and said “Look at their faces to see if they look back,” Wise words from an experienced attorney.

Sitting at the table in the courtroom with my husband by my side, I felt as if the past few years of my life had just flashed before me. All I could think about was my future was in the hands of 12 strangers. Twelve people who didn’t really know me, my husband, family and what had taken place during the last five years. Even though they had heard about my experience in detail, how could they completely understand? How would they know how hard I had worked to try to regain a sense of normalcy or to regain control of my life? Would they be able to truly understand all the appointments, medication, physical and mental therapy and the shock to my self-esteem and more importantly, to my body? What about the pain that I lived with each and every day? Didn’t they understand we had been lied to by doctors and that the very same doctors were lying to them. Could they see through the dishonesty? Did we have anything to worry about? We had the truth on our side. The legal system is meant to protect the innocent, but does that mean it will protect the honest?

I could feel my hand gripping my husband’s hand tighter and tighter. My father, who attended the trial, was also in the courtroom. When I glanced over, I would see him rocking back and forth. I decided that we all have our own coping mechanisms, but at that point and time I couldn’t fathom what helped me cope? What helps prepare you for a situation that you never thought you would experience? I was friends with an attorney – not a client of one (or in my case, two). I never really thought about depositions, discoveries or testimonies. However, I had a crash course on all aspects of a trial and the gut-wrenching details that go with it. When I began this stage of my life more than two years earlier, I never would have dreamt of being in a courtroom.

As the jury foreperson stood and read the verdict, time seemed to move so slowly. What was probably only minutes felt like hours. And, at the same time, it felt as if we were moving in slow motion.

©My Unplanned Life and http://www.shakinguplife.wordpress.com, 2011.

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About mswd

I am an individual living with a spinal cord injury. How the injury occurred, how I found out how severe my injury was and how my planned life suddenly became 'unplanned' is included in this blog. Also included is how the injury has tested my family and me. I believe you will discover it has been both a mentally and physically challenging ordeal and I learned a few lessons along the way. While I am still defining my life’s purpose since the injury, I have uncovered those who are injured, live with pain or have other obstacles to navigate are never able to escape. However, come with me as I explore ways to improve my life, learn to live with multiple neurological conditions, educate others and look for the silver lining. I believe with a little willpower, my caring family and God's guidance I will learn to forgive, hopefully forget how I was treated and dismissed by a doctor and uncover life's new purpose. I pray for painfree days and answers to questions that keep swirling through my mind. I also pray for a cure for neurological conditions and for the doctors to treat their patients with respect. Welcome to my journey. I would love to hear about yours!
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